Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn

I know it has been a while since my last blog, but, I've been lazy... lazy and drunk. I apologize. Anyway, there is a lot to talk about, and with the weekend coming up, even more to come.

We've got body shots, birthday parties, and what happens on a dance floor, it should be a decent blog, I'll do my best.

So last weekend, I witnessed one of the most common things that happens in a bar; body shots. This was no ordinary body shot... no no no... this was completely fucked up. It was a Wednesday, we had just closed up, around midnight (we're not normally even open Wednesdays), and some of us were just hanging around having a beer. A couple beers later, some people wanted some shots. Shots turned into bombs, and bombs turned into body shots. Although this is a pretty common occurrence in a bar, it still excites some people. Like I said, this was no ordinary body shot. It was more like Pineapple Express... "It's from that time. I told you, man! You wanted to eat that lollipop out of that stripper's snatch! You wanted to do it!" There was whipped cream, there was Bailey's and there was a butt crack.... not a big deal, but it happened. Someone licked someones ass.... now that is fucked up.

Second to none however, was the dude laying on the bar, whipped cream on his nipples... Weird, but, I assumed "Ok, some chick is gonna lick that whipped cream off of him"... Wrong. Swooping down like a ninja out of the shadows, a couple good friends of mine gets a mouth full of whipped cream.... and man nipple... Also, it didn't just happen once... Fucking weird....

Now that the disturbing image is out of my mind, lets talk about the single greatest day of the year, celebrated all over the world... July 19th, my birthday. Yes, yes, I know... It's amazing. Long story short, after a few hours of drinking with my best friend from back home, going from bar to bar, insulting numerous random Americans on the street and almost getting in a fight, we arrive back at my place. As I stumble around barely conscious, unable to fathom the most simple ideas, I realize it is time to end the night and go to bed. It didn't quite end. With a stunning look of surprise on my face, my stomach empties and I drop to my knees. While we have all experienced getting sick after drinking, we usually aim for a toilet or even a sink, not our bedroom floors.... Oops. You imagine my surprise waking up Sunday morning to what was left after my drunken clean up attempt... Gross.

Dance floors are a pretty common thing amongst bars, they have existed since bars have. A club isn't a club without a dance floor, some lights, lasers, and a fog machine. However, dance floors are all exactly the same no matter where you go. There are 5 things that happen on a dance floor...

1. The solo dance - 1 person, guy or girl, just dancing by themselves having a great time and just tearin' it up.

2. The 1 on 1 - Whether its a guy and girl, 2 girls, or 2 dudes dancing together, the 1 on 1 is the most common occurrence on the dance floor.

3. The Sandwich - 1 Girl, 2 Guys - Also known as the dog toy - 2 guys sandwiching 1 girl, competing for her and fighting over her like 2 dogs over 1 toy. (No disrespect to women, I'm not calling you dogs or whatever.)

4. The Train - 1 Guy and 2 girls dancing together. The dude at the back and 2 chicks in front of him. Whether its real, or its one girl trying to help another girl, it happens.

5. The circle - A bunch of chicks together dancing around with each other with their shoes and handbags in the middle.

There you have it folks, stay clean, stay focused, stay strong. Frankenstein, have fun with your friends.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut"
- Ernest Hemingway

Rule #38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

Peace

ps. leave comments by clicking here......↓↓↓↓↓↓