Sunday, January 17, 2010

"Who the Fuck is Reggie?"

A new era is at hand, the dawn of a new and dark time is upon us.  This new generation will be the "Ignorant Drunks."  That's right, slowly but surely new adults are becoming sloppier, deadlier, and more ignorant than ever.  Gone are the days of creativity and flavour; today's club-goer sticks to bud-lights and rum and coke.  I'll bet you that a majority of 19-23 year olds, including bartenders, don't even know what a 'Cuba Liba' or a 'Cape Cod' is.  Not that I blame them.  Bartenders these days are awful. they lack creativity, energy, knowledge, and personality.  Hell, the only thing bartenders have in common these days is titts.

Hey, I'm all for lady bartenders, I always encourage more women to try it out.  What I'm against, however, is hiring bartenders who know fuck-all about bartending, but get the job because of their blond hair and fresh cantaloupes.  Everywhere I go now I see bartenders moving so slowly, using one hand at a time, and denying people service because they have no Idea how to make any drinks.  Sure, every bar has at least 1 bartender who knows what he or she is doing, and I applaud them.  Bartending is no longer a passion, its no longer an art.  No no, bartending has evolved in to a hideous beast.  It has evolved into a part time job for hot girls.  Theres no more creativity, bartenders aren't unique.  When I ask a bartender to make 'their special shot' or 'something new' and they pour me a liquid cocaine, or a jager-bomb....  fuck you.  Try and enjoy what you do, it's a hell of a job, and for many; a very lucrative career.

And for those consumers out there, the many that make it possible for these bartenders to exist:  try something new.  Look up old cocktail recipes, mix your own liquors, try scotch; good scotch, get into wine, try a martini, order a cape cod.  Get away from Budweiser and jager bombs guys, and ladies; no more cosmos,  You're not Carrie Bradshaw.  Try some beer, learn to like nice wine.  I'll tell ya, there's nothing sexier than a woman who can handle some scotch.

The point is people, both making drinks, and drinking them is an art.  It's something a lot of people take great pride in.  Learn to appreciate it, learn to enjoy it.  You wouldn't go out for dinner and settle for shitty food (if you would then you're an idiot), so don't settle for shitty drinks.  Try one new drink every month, learn how to make drinks properly, and most of all, learn to control  yourselves.  Stop drinking and driving, stop fighting for no reason, and bartenders; you have a wonderful job, explore it, be creative, and take pride in what you do.

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid"
-  Richard Braunstein

Rule #21: "Remember, your parents were better drinkers than you are"


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